Tag Archives: weight

The forgotten blog

26 Nov

Well, not quite, more like the “slipping into old habits and feeling guilty about it so not posting” blog.

Went to the gym today. My fitness levels are disgustingly low.

I haven’t been running, I stopped boxing about 3 weeks ago and I haven’t found a new challenge to keep me motivated.

I want to continue boxing but need a new place to train.

I’ve been eating and  drinking… A lot.

I’ve put on weight. Not all of it. About a stone. A stone too much.

I just got bored and scared. When I was at my lightest I was very scared that I wasn’t me any more. So I started back on the route of self sabotage. Crying in front of the mirror cos I had no boobs wasn’t fun.

But the road to success is never straight, I control my actions. If I want to be fit, healthy and strong I can’t allow me fears to take over.

I’ve achieved a hell of a lot this year and I want to end on a high not a low or middle.

Today I reconfirm that I will reach my goals, I will continue to be the fittest and healthiest I have been and my road to happiness will become a bit more travelled.

Now looking for people to carry on inspiring me and I will carry in inspiring myself. I ran a fricking marathon this year.

If there is anyone who wants to recommit to their fitness and happiness goals, do it in my comments or email me, tweet me, Facebook me and let’s do it together.

Xxx

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Sabotage!

29 Jul

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What is Self-Sabotage?

Behaviour is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals.

The most common self-sabotaging behaviours are procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating in the face of weight concerns, and self-injury such as cutting.

These acts may seem helpful in the moment, but ultimately undermine us, especially when we engage in them repeatedly.

That is all.

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Let the taper begin!

2 Apr

Let’s catch up!

I know I’m terrible at blogging at the moment. I worry that I’ll bore you all ha ha.

I’m officially in the tapering zone right now. Eating right and fuelling my body and mind for the 21st April.

The past few weeks have been filled with long runs and my last long run was on Easter morning. 20 miles. It took just under four hours. Feeling really happy with that time.

It’s really interesting how my body has reacted to these runs. I am finding the last one – two miles the hardest each time. But never unreachable goals. I think my body just knows that only 20 more mins or so and I’ll be at the end. It can see the finish line and it’s a bit of mind power to push to the end.

I think my hardest long run was my 15miler. I did it with my cousin the week after Paris. He is quite a lot faster than me and it felt like I pushed it quite hard for that run.

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Running 18 miles in the snow a couple of weeks ago was definitely challenging, mainly because I was trying to stay up right but this was the run that I feel helped me find my pace for Race day. 18 miles in 3hours 27mins. That’s what I like.

The last two miles up hill in to Highgate were something special. And not the good special, but ploughed through it and felt great afterwards.

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My final long run this weekend was of a similar pace. 20miles in 3hours 52mins. We took in a shortened version of the marathon route, doing a circuit of Canary Wharf and up in to the Mall. That took us to 17 miles; we finished with the final few miles along the Thames down to Tower Bridge.

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Man, the end of this run brought with it such relief! The taper has begun.

It’s now time to finish prepping and feeding my mind and body for the biggest physical challenge I have ever undertaken.

A lot of people keep telling me how casual I am about running all these miles. It’s not that I am being blasé, I just don’t think I have fully realised how far 26.2miles is, I’ve tried to comprehend how far I would get if I ran for 26miles outside of London, but it just doesn’t make sense. I was never good with distances at school.

I’ve finished with the fundraising part of the marathon a few weeks ago and having hit my target meant that for these last few weeks the focus on my running has been much less intense and with out worry. Thank you to everyone who donated and who continues to donate. You can add to my epic total here.

Weight wise, I have no idea how much I weight right now. My weight over the past month had gone up and down around the 15st mark. I am extra hungry and probably not making the best food choices after my long runs so therefore I am not seeing results on the scales and I don’t want to feel disheartened about this. So I agreed at the suggestion of the amazing Saz, my weightwatchers leader, that she would weigh me but not tell me the results. This has taken such pressure off let me tell you, but I do need to ensure I am eating correctly in order to be able to fuel my body properly.

And regardless of the scales, I am now pretty firmly into a size 14 clothes wise with a few size 12 dress choices. So I can’t complain.

I am starting to like what I see in the mirror and as a result I am finding myself taking more and more pics of me in my new purchases and sticking them up on instagram. I started to feel a bit narcissistic but then I remembered how I used to feel. Big and bloated and now I don’t. I’m so happy with my progress and I do want to show it off a bit. People keep telling me I need to look at how far I’ve come and I’m starting to believe that.

A friend of mine this morning asked me to post some “top tips”. I can’t really say I have many, apart from this. If you really want to become fitter and healthier and slimmer then you will do it. No matter how hard it gets.

You will eat better, you will train hard. You’ll set your goals and you’ll make sure you hit them because you’ll be so sick of how you currently feel that you’ll have no option but to change.

Seeing and feeling the changes. Feeling unstoppable is the most gratifying thing.

I’m currently reading A Life Without Limits by Chrissie Wellington, as suggested by one of my blog readers the other month. Sitting on the tube reading this book has reduced me to tears thinking about all the things I can push myself to do. I suggest anyone who has goals, reads this book. You just don’t know until you try.

I’ve recently been wondering how I will feel after the Marathon. Will I want to continue running marathons? I do know I want to really push my body to see what it is really capable of. I also know I want to see how many miles I can run in one day. I’m not talking about racing, but if I was to take a long leisurely run with gels and water etc. how far could I really go?

We’ll see aye!

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Bonjour!

5 Mar

This weekend was my first major test. My first chance to show how my training was progressing. Really progressing.

The Paris half marathon.

What a weekend.

Me and Chris were up at 4am to get the 7am train to Paris. A mixture of excitement and nerves. Having never been to France before it was very exciting for so many reasons.

How am I so excited at 5.30am??

How am I so excited at 5.30am??

I decided to treat the run as just another training run but the reality was I wanted to run this non-stop, I wanted to pull in a good time and I wanted to feel like I’d won, this was never going to be “just another training run”.

We spent the Friday and Saturday doing some touristy bits and hanging with some of the Crew. Run Dem Crew love was major this weekend. RDC supports you at the best (and worst of times) but it was a whole other level this time. So many words of much-needed advice and love.

Hit up a party on Friday night. I bumped in to the gorgeous presenter, George Lamb.

I met George Lamb! Gorgeousness

I met George Lamb! Gorgeousness

Saturday we hit some of the tourist spots and generally tried to keep our creeping nerves at bay. There was a tension in the air, broken only by the fact that I had forgotten my jogging bottoms so bought some more but they in fact turned out to be mens long johns!! with that front pocket bit for easy access to the crown jewels. #fail!

We were in bed by 9pm on Saturday night, anxious to get enough sleep to leave us ready and refreshed for the morning.

we were up at 6.45 and outside the meeting point for 8.30 for the group photo and final words of support

The crew ready to roll

The crew ready to roll

Earlier that morning I had tweeted one word “nervous” and before we headed off to our “pens”, like lambs to the slaughter house, a few guys pulled me to one side, gave me hugs and whispered words of super encouragement. It really helped. You guys know who you are, so thank you!

So I dunno if French people time is like BMT but the race did not start at 10am. We were in our holding area until almost 11am. The time was passed with warm up exercises to universally annoying songs such as Gangnam Style. We had a ball!

Lots of hand waving

Lots of hand waving

My buddy during our time in the pen

My buddy, Tahirah and I during our time in the pen

Trying to hold back the nerves

Trying to hold back the nerves

And then we were off. The sun was shining and I was ripe and ready. I started with Tahirah and Charlie and as I passed the start line I had a real “oh Sh*t” moment but I was in it now.

I was determined not to start off too fast, but how did I know if too fast was too fast??? I’d soon find out.

We lost Tahirah after a couple of km. So Charlie and I ploughed on. Pushing each other and chatting when the silence got too much. Checking the other was ok. Too fast, let’s slow it down a bit.

I tried to take a couple of photos using the front facing camera on my phone but it didn’t work haha. I just have shots of my nose and the sky.

We hit 10k just after an hour. Doing pretty much 10min miles. We needed the loo. Found one but there was a slight queue, we didn’t to hang on so off we went again. A while down the road we saw a free toilet. We went for it. Watches paused. When it came to my turn, the door wouldn’t close. Charlie protected my modesty whilst I pee’d in the fastest time ever.

Off we went again. A hill. Nothing I hadn’t come across in training but it seemed to come from nowhere. It threw me for a moment but I pushed through. I was tired at the top. we dropped the pace just slightly and then pressed on.

11km, 12km, 13km and on and one, I know around 15km I was feeling very tired. But I just kept thinking at in 3km more I would be seeing my crew. Cheer Dem Squad are a vital part of RDC. Those who aren’t running, coming down to cheer you on and support you like you’ve never been supported before.

As we approached the 18km marker we talked about how much we needed those cheers. 18km was there, where were Cheer Dem!! OMG what if they had left us, but all of a sudden I could hear a mass of people calling my name, ringing cow bells and complete joy. They were here and they were cheering for us! Gun fingers in the air and smiling like lunatics we ran past the crew and it was alright again. Yes! we were so close now, we could do this!

Being given life by the Cheer Dem Crew

Being given life by the Cheer Dem Crew

We are winners!

We are winners!

So on we went. rejuvenated by love. Between 18km and 20km it seemed to really drag. Like, come on now, surely I’ve run far enough.

20km to 21km got really interesting… What’s that in the distance. Balloons!! it must be the finish……NO! Someone had the bright idea to make an arch of balloons about 400m from the finish. So confusing but I’m glad I didn’t do my sprint finish.

100m to the finish and yet more Run Dem Crew cheering us on. Those who had already finished had come back to see us through. And see us through they did. The end was there… Time for the sprint, lets finish strong! and we were off! Booom, across the finish line like a G!

Couldn't have done it without you Charlie

Couldn’t have done it without you Charlie

Check the bling!!!

Check the bling!!!

Did I really just do this? Half a Marathon, like a race. Not for practice with breaks at traffic lights or a little sit down at 10k.  I ran a whole half marathon.

I’ll admit it, I had a little tear up! high fives and hugs with my running partner. I was so lucky to have her!

my watch time was 2hours 17 mins and 58 seconds, the official time (sadly not taking in to account my wee break) was 2 hours, 21mins and 25secs. I’m happy either way!! Very, very happy.

Job not done though, I still had my Chris to see through the finish line. I had to be there to cheer him on and I definitely had to run him through the finish line.

Seeing him approaching in the distance, I have never felt such love or pride for someone. It was clear he was in pain having had issues with his knees for so long but knowing that he went on and did da ting was just amazing. Lesser people would have quit. Not my king!

A couple that runs together....

A couple that runs together….

Never happier!

Job done, I passed the halfway part of the journey, half marathon race under my belt, time to up that mileage and get ready to run this marathon. 6 weeks to go! Lets do this! Thinking back, it was hard, but at no point did I feel like I really couldn’t go on. I’m ready to keep going. It weren’t easy but it was so doable. Training works maaaaan.

You can watch a video of me going through different check points here. See if you can spot my (trademark) pink headband.

That night, we linked up with all the other crews who are part of the Bridge the Gap family, the guys who just like RDC are a movement in their cities. Paris Running Club hosted an epic party for us.

I’ve met some seriously fantastic people. I have to thank Charlie Dark and all the Run Dem Crew for the amazing support. Cheer Dem Crew, including Clare and Araba for super cheering!  And my King for being so, so inspirational. We did it babe.

This weekend will forever stay in my memory.

It’s Carnival

26 Aug

Today I had an amazing reminder of how far I have come.

Me last year

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I remember feeling like a super star that day. People say I looked great, but looking back I just think “yuk”.

And I know by the time the year was up I was even bigger.

I won’t be doing costume this year mainly because I can’t afford it but also because I don’t want to look at another set of pictures and think “I look fat”.

I went to carnival today with the Spartan Fam.

I cropped my t shirt and really had very minor body worries. I’m far from where I want to be but so much closer than I was.

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I’m pretty sure there is even a hint of abs visible. Lol

Next year, I’m gonna find the best costume I can and rock it like a super model.

Also, in a moment of blatant showing off… I went out last weekend wearing this:

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And I’m pretty certain I managed to wow a couple of people who I haven’t seen since New years. What a difference 8 months can make aye.

The reaction from one person almost reduced me to tears.

Anyway, bedtime now because after 8 hours walking around west London I am exhausted.

Xx

Shocking!

17 Aug
Shocked. That’s people’s reaction when I tell them I’m currently 15 and a half stone, or that I used to be over 18stone at the beginning of the year.
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I’ve never looked as heavy as I am. It must be due to my height. Being 6ft means I do carry it well. Whilst I understand the shock I need to tell you all, I’m not lying!! Why would I?
I also need to say that although I have another 3 stone until I get to goal. That 3 stone is not too much. I know some people are worried that I’ll be too slim. I am still a size 14/16 now and when I started I was an 18/20 so its not like I have dropped 6 dress sizes with the weight I have lost. My body is not like that.
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I have thighs a bum and some very lovely jubblies. Yes they have all downsized slightly but they are never going to disappear.
I remember when I was 21/22 years old, I was a size 12/14 and I weighed about 13 stone. Back then being one of the first times I had weighed myself and being just into the “overweight” category. I was happy with how I looked so I wasn’t too bothered.
But thinking about it. It is improbable for me as an adult to be smaller than a size 12… and I don’t want to be. What I want is to be super fit and super healthy. Nothing is going to get in my way.
So all you people out there super shocked at how much I currently weigh because of my immense gorgeousness, don’t be. We all have different bodies and shapes and metabolisms. This is mine!
So, what been happening over the past two weeks. Well, I finally had a decent loss on Thursday the 9th. 2.5lbs off and last night a loss of another 1lb. So once more officially at my lowest weight of 15stone 7lbs. Since January the 2nd. That’s 38lbs/2stone 10lbs. I just have to say… That shizz is cray.
Unless I do something off-key I wont lose the 7lbs by August 31st but never mind. I will be under 15 stone in early September.
Not that I can change it but I got slightly annoyed last night when I looked at the data on my weight loss chart.  July 5th weigh in I was 15st10lbs. August 2nd weigh in I was 15st10.5lbs!! I did so much bouncing around during July that I didn’t actually lose any weight. At one point in the month I was 15st8lbs but then went back up again. Do you know how frustrating that is? Can you imagine? But hey ho. got to keep it moving.
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August has already improved and as always I just have to keep that momentum going.
I have been doing my Spartan homework as well as my running and cycling.
The cycling is hard as I live in such a hilly area but nevertheless I will keep it going.
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Last Friday in Spartan training the name of the game was pull ups! I don’t care that it was my first time attempting it, All I could do was hang there. Not even with my legs time and arms bent. Hang there like some crazy dead weight.. I felt like a proper loser but it has made me determined to win. I hit up the outdoor gym near my this week and spent time time on the pull up bar there. There was movement I swear. I still hung like a dead chicken in a butchers window but I’m sure I managed half a cm lift. I’m certain of it. SO that my friends is progress!
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RDC West. This is the hardest running I have ever had to do. but I love it so much! Sprints. SPRINTS! I am slow but I tell myself just keep running. I think I will get better and I already feel a difference in my lone running.
I love my new regime! 🙂