Hill Running

This post isn’t about actual hill running but the mental hill running.

This evening I have done I think my hardest run ever, mentally.

I love going out with RDC West on a Monday. It’s now part of my routine.

5.30 comes and the BF texts me to ask if I’m running and I find I’m feeling a bit “meh” about it all.
Raining, I’m tired after smacking an actual hill run on Sunday and generally feeling a bit lazy.

He tells me to “do da damn ting” and I think of course he’s right.

Head over to Paddington Rec and my excitement starts to build.

Get there and I can tell right away it’s going to be a small group.

We were only 14 today. I think the weather kept people away.

My heart sank when I saw the ladies I usually run with weren’t there and I was surrounded by the runners who are all a lot faster than me.

Speed ain’t everything but when you are only as fast as your slowest runner, who is me, then it can be a bit anti climatic.

The route was simple enough and we set off on a “gentle jog” and my heart sank even further, I was already behind and we hadn’t even begun. It felt like they raced away with out me.

I probably ran my fastest mile this evening in about 10mins but already in those first 10mins, as I couldn’t see through my glasses and the crew were 50m in front of me I felt a lump grow in my throat. I felt utterly useless.

After a mile we split into two groups the faster group and the slower group and the amazing Ellie really kept me going from here on out. She talked to me the whole time. She encouraged me and made me know that I could do this. Her upbeatness never wavered. She spoke when I couldn’t. We pushed forward still at a faster speed than I was used to but she made me believe.

We took a break at chalk farm station and I felt a bit more positive. Then went on towards Camden and my mood plummeted again. I just felt so slow.

Once again I was way behind and it was a real struggle.

Eventually it was just Ellie and I pounding the roads as the rest ran on.

We took a little detour as we missed our turning and came in back to paddington with a total mileage of 6.2m.

I never doubted I could do the distance but my head just wasn’t there. Not at all.

I’ve never felt like this before. I cried when we got back to base, I cried on the tube home, I cried when I saw my housemate who greeted me with hugs and I’m crying now.

I think it’s bed time but before I go I have to send soooo much love to Ellie who really pushed me through today. She didn’t let me give up and I’m so grateful. Thank you Ellie and I know tomorrow and next week will be better.

Thanks to the rest of the crew who greeted me with hugs and cheers of well dones. It wasn’t easy knowing that they all knew how much I struggled today but they still told me well done.

Thanks guys. Thanks to Sanchia who gave me such a great hug at the end and some really kind words

And thank you to me for not giving up.

Today in my mind was one giant hill and i just don’t feel i made it to the top and over the other side. I was running but I didn’t get anywhere. It was painful.

It’s bedtime now and i need to get over it ready for tomorrow when I do it all over again with Run Dem Crew East.